u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
