she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
