Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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