I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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