I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
