Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
