A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
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