All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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