I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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