Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
