your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
