Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
