I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
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