I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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