The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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