you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Girls should come with a carfax report
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize