walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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