i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
