i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
