just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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