don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
