I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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