Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
