he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
