...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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