I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
