was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
