"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
