yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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