and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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