guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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