Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
