just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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