I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
