You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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