it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
