How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
