just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize