thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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