home. puking in laundry basket.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
