Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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