god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
