I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
