At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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