great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
