I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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