oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
