Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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