you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
