ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
