I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
