so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
