I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The struggles of a small town man whore
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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