I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Sext me about skeletons
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
