You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
