Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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