did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
