so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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