so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
