If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
