So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
