yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
