Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
