My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Randomize
