you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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