There is no way he is gay with that hair.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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