I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
