And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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