oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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