Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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