Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
