I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
