shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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