That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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