just tell him i said nine months
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
