Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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